Don’t worry about him. He’s a jerk. He’s an ass, and he’s not even cute. I’m proud of you for telling him off. And it’s ok to feel hurt or insulted. Anyone in your position would feel that way. If that happened to me, I would have slapped him in the face and run him over with my car. It’s a good thing I don’t drive.
Anyway, I’m really proud of you.

I know I told you that I’d be returning to Canada tentatively on November. Well, change of plans, I’m leaving 1st week of August. I know it’s sad that I’m leaving, but honestly, I’m really excited. As to Joel, I told him about it and he agreed. He’s seen how miserable I am here so I guess he understands. He said that if I’m leaving on November anyway, then August won’t really make a big difference. I know he’s sad, but things are better for him now. He can handle me leaving this time. And it’s not like we’re breaking up. I mean, we will try the long distance thing. I believe we have what it takes to make it work. No offense.

Anyway, work has been… umm… tiring. I swear, litigation is not for me. I hate appearing in court. I used to love it when I was just an intern, observing the proceedings in court. But now that I’m the one actually appearing before the judge, it’s just plain stressful. Having realized that, I’ve been itching to tender my resignation. But of course, I’ll be leaving in a couple of months anyway, so I’ll just bear with it for now. Plus, I have no hearings scheduled anyway.

Mom told me that their lawyer suggested that I take law school again in Canada instead of the 11 qualifying tests to make me a Canadian lawyer. He said that It’ll only take 3 years and I’m still young… Anyway, I don’t think that would be such a bad idea. School would enable me to make new friends. Plus, our law school experience was really great so I have no qualms of going thru that again. However, it might be more expensive. Plus, going to law school does not mean dispensing with the tests. I mean, there would be midterms and finals for ALL the subjects.

By the way, I think I’m having a quarter-life crisis. I’m having these compulsions to re-evaluate my dreams. What makes me excited? What am I passionate about? Definitely, it’s not legal practice. At one point I even wanted to become a lifestyle journalist. After watching Angels and Demons, I wanted to be a historian. And being here in the office, makes me want to be just a secretary (puting labels on folders, filing…) Maybe I’m just burnt out in this job. And honestly, I even look forward to my old job selling shoes, as it requires no intellectual exercise whatsoever. Plus, my actions bear little consequence to others. As oppose to my job now, the liberty of a person, the completion of government projects and the continued performance of government functions lie in my hands. That much responsibility just tire me out. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be Spiderman.

Oh well, can’t wait to see you girls this weekend. And by the way, when are we going to the beach? I think it would be fab if I arrive in Canada with a nice tanline.

Lovelots,
Ana

Ummm… I know you’re at work and I’ll see you later anyway, but I want you to know as soon as possible. Mom said she’d lend me the money for me to go back to Canada and suggested that I go with my brother when he visits here in July.

Babe, I know I said I’ll stick around till October but I kind of want to go already. Can I? What do you think?

Love,
Ana

Thanks for calling. My day went pretty well. Slept in late and I didn’t go to the funeral either. Eeza said it was okay not to go considering it’s my birthday – might be a little depressing for me.

Anyway, I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to talk much over the phone. I was in a rather gloomy mood and I was trying so hard not to cry. Last night, I found out that the money I’m waiting for, I’m not qualified to receive. Thus, what I thought was my forced savings is now just a figment of my imagination.

Realizing that I have no money to spend on my birthday, won’t be able to pay for a fabulous haircut, can’t afford to go out of town this summer, I felt extremely disappointed. But what made me panic – almost to the point of hyperventilation is the thought that I’ll never afford the ticket to go back to Canada this year.

It’s just that I miss you all so much. Not a day has passed that I don’t think about you guys, Calgary, the C-Train, Shawnessy library… I know this is supposed to be my home coz I grew up here, but without you guys, it’s all very different.

Anyway, enough of that. I’m glad to tell you that my day turned out pretty well eventually. After you called, I surfed the net, reheated lunch, went to the Chapel and reluctantly picked up the laundry. I didn’t even unpack it. I was just too lazy.

Joel has work so we met up at the mall at around 5pm. Apparently; it was the first day of a 3-day sale so it was ridiculously crowded. I’m not exactly up for shopping as my funds are quite limited if not utterly deficient. So the sight of a 3-day madness sale is incredibly disheartening, I had to hold back my tears. So much for selfish indulgence…

Seeing how miserable I am amidst eager shoppers, Joel told me that he’ll take me shopping. I can choose anything (within a certain budget, of course) and that will be his gift. I almost cried.

That was so sweet…
He is almost as broke as I am. I even earn a little more than he does. And yet, he’s the one spending.
I guess that’s what you call love… and/or effective financial management.

Anyway, at the end of the day, he bought me a fabulous blouse, (which I will wear on his thanksgiving party) took me to dinner and I lived happily ever after.

xoxo
Ana

PS:
Just so you know, “xoxo” means “hugs and kisses”
… I think. Watch gossip girl for reference.
And about my gift, can you just lend me the money so I can go back home there?

Tomorrow, I’ll turn twenty-eight. Ugh… The horror… I woke up this morning and I saw lines under my eyes. They weren’t even ‘fine lines’. They were just lines – clear, distinct, identifiable lines. I felt nauseous. The realization that this is the start of my beauty’s decline is just unbearable. My beauty hasn’t even reached its full potential, and now it’s declining? Life is just cruel!

And to think, people tell me I look young for my age… for my profession. In the office, I’m the ‘kiddo’, the ‘baby’. And now I have wrinkles! Jesus Christ! (Umm… your son… crucified… died on the cross? Sorry. Blasphemy.)

Anyway, as you’ve known, I hate my birthdays, I have issues. But… for a change, I choose to be selfishly happy on that day. Never mind that I’m on the extremely frugal side these days, I’m going to do what I want to do and go where I want to go… after going to Eeza’s step-dad’s funeral, that is.

Speaking of funeral, I’m actually looking forward to going. It has a bizarre irony to it – the celebration of both life and death. And someday, I’ll go on and say “you know, I went to a funeral on my birthday once…” and then they’ll go “Really? Why would you do that?”

Anyway, God, just please give me patience and serenity to help me get through the day. A little positive energy aimed at my direction would be of great help. It’s especially gloomy today because it’s been raining profusely (considering it’s supposed to be the height of summer, that’s another irony for you) so depression is lurking around. And a little money to spend would likewise be appreciated. Selfish indulgence does not come cheap, you know.

Respectfully,
Sincerely,
Ana